Activity and Hanging Out

My circadia ain't got no rhythm.

I woke up at 11:30 after going to bed at five in the morning. The day was glorious but I spent three hours finishing off some code. A bit after two I made my way to Casa Verde to see Skip the floating house builder and his sidekick Jeff at my favorite venue, Casa Verde.

I showed Skip a bunch of pictures of floating houses on the web and made some radical design changes, opting for widening the boat, making the "front" the port side, sliding a bunch of rooms around and adding an acre or two of glass. Skip took it in stride. Jeff and I discussed some other business opportunities and I helped him set up a Gmail account and showed him how to suck his contacts and mail out the detested yahoo mail he has been using.

We looked at four boats extending from Casa Verde to Stephen's house, none were operative and lamented our inability to fulfill our destiny in these beautiful waters of the Caribbean. Ok, I'm three weeks away from my first boat here, I can hang on.

Walter showed up, then sweet Nikelda and we just generally hung out, cruised the town in the mobile mural, his tiny little red van, went down to the park to see the $40,000 palapa under construction at a cost of $180,000 (it's no better in banana's country than it is in the states), sat in front of the park and greeted the locals and interacted with the tourists.

More emails and then some music and some highly overpriced fish tacos at Casa Verde. My fish tacos are far better and are not stretched out with rice and beans. The bill for the three of us came to $21 for the tacos alone. Between them all there was maybe $0.60 worth of fish and it wasn't even high quality fish. Time for me to start entertaining more at home.

The band played, more locals joined us, we shot the shit and I headed home early to get some work done.

Another day of activity on the house and the floating house tomorrow, then a quick four day break to meet up with some dear old friends in Fortuna, Costa Rica.

Inspections

My real estate agent recommended the guy who installed the solar power system for inspection of same on the house I have under contract.

I was a bit reluctant to have someone grade his own paper, so to speak, but my primary concern is an evaluation of the batteries, which are four years old. At a replacement cost of four thousand dollars this is not an incidental expense. I posted a request for suggestions in a local yahoo group for residents and was immediately told that the best guy for the job is the guy recommended by my real estate agent.

The man was in town yesterday, but has returned to David. I just got an email from him informing me that the cost of inspection is $150. For that he must travel four hours from David to Almirante, catch a five dollar water taxi to Isla Colon and a $10 water taxi to the house. The same time and expenses are associated with the return trip.

I should be getting the contract from my attorney in Panama City tomorrow along with reviews and all associated documents. Her fees are $2,000.

The seller of the corporations that hold the houses have to pay a 5% transfer fee on the corporation, irrespective of the actual gain or loss on the property in question.

It's different down here.

House Purchase Legal Work

Early this morning the rain was pouring, nearing six I was still banging away at code finishing off a highly productive night. I awoke after noon to a slew of emails and started tending to business.

My dear friend Walter also a real estate agent a reader of this blog and all round hell of a nice guy has advised me to ensure the following

Walter Kawano has advised that I request the following:

---

Make sure all corporation fees are up to date

That the corporations transfer to me free of debt and liability the following permits and plans up date

• the building permits
  
• the occupation permit
  
• the approved house plans
  
• the approved electric plans
  
• the approved sanitary and plumbing plans approved
  
• and related documents
  

Verification the corporations have no penalties to be paid to the ministry of finances.

Furthermore he has corrected me and told me that foreigners are allowed to own titled property in Panama, it is land sold with Right of Possession that requires ownership through a corporation, but more on that later.

I tried to contact the company that installed the solar power system. My real estate agent, the listing agent for this property gave me their contact information. I sent off an email and it bounced within a minute.

The floating home builder sent me some ideas on how to break up the external lines on the floating house.

House Purchase Progress

The earnest money wiring went through successfully so I wired another chunk of change. Tomorrow I shall transfer the balance of the earnest money due. Messages were exchanged between my Panama City attorney and my real estate broker. I've located a septic system inspector and have been given the name of the man who installed the solar power system; he should be qualified to check out the batteries, but I don't know if I want him to review the balance of his own work.

In Panama foreigners are not allowed to own real estate. The work around is the property is owned by a corporation and corporations may be owned by foreigners. There is a $300 a year fee for filing returns per corporation. As this house is built over two lots, it is held in two corporations, which I want to merge. Half the house is on one lot, the other half is on the other lot. There was no way anybody could have built on either lot, this is built on a crest of a hill that divides the two. The original developer is a bit of a weasel and was advertising cheap lots knowing full well that no one could use one.

The builder of the floating houses has not responded to emails or telephone calls today, something to balance out the smoothness of this transaction.

Second Anniversary of Homelessness

Today marks the second anniversary of my great adventure of wandering. I celebrated by putting down earnest money on a house.

I'll have one property that I can rent out and use for business meetings and another that I can live in when the spirit moves me and rent out went wanderlust sets in.

Too much world to sit in one spot all the time.

Earnest Money

Chase Bank

After a week of trying to get my cell phone number registered on Chase's online banking site I called their online customer support phone number. None of the options in the multi-level option menu applied so I just chose one at random.

I was then prompted to enter my debit card number and PIN on an unsecured phone line. DTMF (Dual Tone Multi-Frequency) decoders are readily available and anyone with any sense of tone could figure out what I was typing. Nice security!

I finally reached someone in the online banking department who asked me a list of questions, which I was told all came from public databases. Not sure how this provides any security.

Which of the following residential addresses are you associated with?

Which of the following companies have you been associated with?

What is Mark's month of birth?

And so on.

Eventually I was given a PIN to enable online banking. I entered the PIN and walked my way through the setup and hungup.

When I tried to enter a wire transfer there was no option to do so. I tried to enter setup again and received the message that I needed to enter an authorization code. I clicked "Already have an authorization code?" and was informed that none had been issued.

I called support again and explained my situation and was given an authorization code without any verification that I am who I claimed to be.

Then I had to setup a payee, which required YAFP (Yet Another F**king PIN). As I hadn't hung up I received that PIN. It rejected the SWIFT (Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunications) code that I entered even though it was valid. The woman on the phone told me to append 'X' until it was ten characters long even though that information was not on the web page. WTF?

The asked for the Billing Account, which in fact is the source of funds account in addition to the account to be debited for the transaction with no option to choose my money market account as the source of funds.

Eventually I got a scheduled wire request to go through. Now let's see how long it takes. I've been asked to make the payments in amounts of less than $10k a day so they don't get held up.

Burglar

In the middle of this process my landlord, Bernd knocked on the door and advised me that last night at two o'clock in the morning some kids had stacked up milk crates and hopped a fence to gain access to this property but were heard by another tenant and scurried off.

Air Gun

Last night I ordered an 1,100 foot per second .177 caliber spring air rifle which is supposed to be very accurate. Hopefully it won't be held up at customs too long, you can buy the things over the counter at the pharmacy here, not a high quality one like this, but similar power.

I doubt I'll have many rats to shoot at the new house. There is are some big snakes, a boa constrictor and a big indigo. The are only good for a couple of rats a week apiece so they could readily keep up with a small population.

Floating House

Yesterday I met with Skip, the builder of the floating house and we spent an hour at Casa Verde laying out the floor plans. It was far more productive than exchanging emails. Then I had a three dimensional walk through on the house. Right now it looks like a giant box with two decks on each end but once we nail down the floor plan we'll work on the external aesthetics.

Damn Chase

I am trying to wire some earnest money for the house, but I'm not set up for online wire transfers with Chase Bank. Last week I changed my cell phone number on their site and was notified that it takes up to five business days for it to post. Welcome to the 20th Century Chase, that's a week.

Yesterday I went to the ATM to get money to pay my rent, called my landlord from the taxi (it was raining) and asked him to come over and pick up the money. That was the last I saw of my phone, it must have slipped out of my cargo pants pocket. Can't wait to get my new fanny pack that I ordered from Amazon a couple of weeks ago.

I walked down to the pharmacy, which sells everything from drugs to pellet rifles and paint and bought another cell phone, $35. When you go through cell phones the way I do, you go with the cheap ones, then sent out a bunch of emails to get the phone numbers for my friends that I had lost and to notify them of my new number.

Several messages were exchanged with the guy who is designing my floating house, we will be meeting tomorrow.

I registered an internet domain for a software product I will be announcing later this year and worked on the code. I figured it was about time to do a full backup of my hundreds of gigabytes of code and databases and did so, using a fast tool, it ran for only twenty minutes. Tomorrow I shall store the backup disk off site.

Rainy day in paradise. Another unsatisfactory nights sleep, damn ribs.

This morning the weather is perfect.

Floating House Designs

Skip and I exchanged quite a few emails and a couple of phone calls. "Make the bedrooms bigger, pull out the bathroom flush with the bedroom walls. Put in a spiral stair case. Make the deck 40'. No, make it 30'.

Drawings were sent promptly.

I have two foot square tiles on the floor of my apartment so visualizing the spaces is quite easy.

A good friend of mine, in Florida who owns a shitload of property in Bocas and has suffered through the building process repeatedly expressed some serious interest, but I think he'll let me be the guinea pig. As he says, "there is no such thing as competition, only people offering alternatives." The more, the merrier. During the low season, very few places are full and they are the low end backpacker type places. I have no interest in catering to people who want to pay $12.50 a day for a bed. There are surprisingly few choices for luxurious accommodations.

I am running out of time here, I am scheduled to leave in a few days for a week to visit some friends in Costa Rica. I'll bring my netbook.

Floating House or Boat?

As my faithful readers know, I have signed a contract to buy a house on Isla Solarte, about a 15 minute boat ride from Bocas Town. It's a beautiful two bedroom, two bath structure with a kitchen, dinette, a small living room and a large wrap around deck. The house is made entirely of Nispero a beautiful dense, very hard wood resistant to fungus and many types of termites. It lies 100 steps up a hill over looking the bay across which lies Red Frog Marina.

I have opted to supplement my income by providing housing over the clear, calm waters.

There are many world famous resorts in Bocas del Toro including Punta Caracol offering huts over the water for rates upwards of $500 a night, Tranquillo Bay at $2,655 a week in the high season for a cabina in the jungle. Au Natural provides huts and three meals a day for $175 per person.

I want to create first class accommodations over the water that anybody could come and enjoy no matter how finicky his or her spouse is. Luxurious accommodations with all the comforts of home in a tropical paradise. But building in Bocas is a proposition that will tax the most enduring of souls. There are over a dozen regulatory agencies that must be dealt with and builders are notoriously difficult to deal with. Work is parceled out for piers and docks, laying concrete, framing, electrical, plumbing, water catchment and solar panels.

My friend Stephen has been working on his house for two years and has nothing to show but a dock, some piers and some I beams that lay atop the piers. He has been trying for over a month to find someone to weld the I beams for him. I have neither the inclination or the patience to see such a project through.

Last night Stephen mentioned that there was somebody new in town that was building floating houses. I had to check this out. It wasn't difficult to locate the company with a quick google search as they have no competition.

I sent off a couple of emails last night and quickly recieved a response. I called this morning and spoke with the owner of the company, Skip. We agreed to meet at Casa Verde at 2:30. I called the little cutie who runs the place, met her there at 1:30, bought her lunch and we chatted until Skip and his partner showed up.

My first question was readily answered. "How do your dwellings bypass all of the construction and impact rules and regulations?" "They are legally classified as boats." Awesome! That makes them subject to a $150/year mooring fee and all of the other red tape no longer applies.

Skip has been building floating condominiums and restaurants for over 15 years in Mexico and Hawaii. We looked through his drawings and I told him that none of them were exactly what I was looking for and described the functionality I wanted for the penultimate over the water vacation home rental property in the province of Bocas del Toro without telling him an exact design. I'd rather he use his imagination to come up with some interesting alternatives that fulfill my requirements. We spoke for about an hour. We talked about a 60 by 20 foot deck with three stories. That's a whole lot of room for a family of four or six. Lot's of deck space, granite counter tops, french doors onto the ocean, air conditioning in the bedrooms. He said it could be ready in 120 days after we agree on the plans.

We walked down to Starfleet Scuba where a big floating restaurant, bar, scuba boat is under construction, rated for 150 passengers. With two sixty horse power motors the beast moves along at 10 mph in the calm waters of the the bay. I'd hate to dock the thing in the wind as it has a lot of sail area. I'd show you pictures, but my replacement cameras have not yet arrived. I'll update this with pictures when I can get some.

The pontoons were corrugated, which on first look would seem to create a lot of drag, but even with what little I know of laminar flow, turbulence actually reduces friction.

Construction

• Welded heavy gauge hot dipped galvanized steel studs and joists

Features

Biorock Waste Treatment System	2-4 persons average use rated. No mechanical parts to break or replace. Biorock uses no electricity, so the carbon footprint is 3 times less than any electrical unit. No carbon dioxide emissions. Effluent is 6 times cleaner than electrical waste treatment units. No need to manually turn and manipulate Biorock systems like you do the messy, stinky composting toilets.
Solar Systems	Two 400 watt solar panels with an average 1,350 amp hours at the 20 hour rate. Some people may opt to have additional solar panels instead of the wind generator. Various voltages of Trojan (golf cart style batteries) depending on usage. Upgrades available
Wind System	600 watt units produced for Coleman. Various voltages of Trojan (golf cart style batteries) depending on needs.
Water Catchment Systems	350-500 gallon holding tanks. Standard paper water filters Upgrades available.
Gray Water Planter Boxes	Use your sink and shower water to grow fruits, vegetables or flowers in your 4 planter boxes
Appliances	Four burner gas stove with oven. Medium sized stand up refrigerators with high energy efficiency ratings. Several models to choose from. Upgrades available
Faucets / Showerheads	Corrosion free materials made to use with low pressure (gravity fed) water systems. Several to choose from.
Tile	12” deck and floor tiles. 4” countertop tiles Showers 12” tiles. Several choices available.
Roofing	Spanish Colonial looking, high density polyethylene for lasting durability.

Stay tuned for developments.

House Developments

I couldn't wire the earnest money as I have to talk to the bank to get online wires set up and adding my Panamanian phone number takes several days to process.

One thing I want to do is put some cabinas on the water. I was discussing that with a friend and he pointed out that somebody in Bocas is the only developer of floating homes.

I think this is pretty cool.

Guess I'm Here to Stay

I signed a contract on a house today.

The property owner of the above property is in Scotland, about five hours ahead of the time here. I talked with my real estate agent and emailed an offer. He replied, "They have more money in the house alone than this offer. It's all nispero. That's very expensive wood." "Not my problem."

He sent them an email, they countered, I countered, they countered, I countered. They rejected. Apparently the house has been getting a lot of viewings lately. I replied, "Ok, I'll lower my offer, if lots of people are viewing and nobody is putting in an offer then they know the place is overpriced. This is my final offer. Cash buy, closing in thirty days."

They took the offer. House comes with all furnishings and a boat.

Now I have to have somebody go over and inspect the $4,000 worth of batteries that are charged by the solar panel system.

The only operating cost for this house is the groundskeeper/guard about $400 a month. For that he also cleans the house every damn day, will do varnishing, planting, anything I want.

When I want to travel I should be able to rent it out for a week at a time. In the high season it is very difficult to find accommodations here.

Next up, get another boat, a gun safe, an alarm system, some security cameras and build some cabinas over the water and plant a bunch of fruit trees.

Life is good.

I went to look at a boat today

I went to look at a boat today and ended up putting in an offer on a house.

http://www.beyondbocas.com/featured-new-properties/so220.shtml

If they accept my offer, I will be closing in 45 days.

Computer Recovery

Last night I saw one of my neighbors in the street and told her about my theft over dinner and offered a reward for the return of my stuff no questions asked

Missing

Sony Viao Computer
Asus Netbook Computer
Amazon Kindle
Canon DX10 Camera
Fenix LD20 Flashlight

I had a knock on my door at 12:30. My neighbor Grant is caretaker to this place and has a key to the gate. With him was his neighbor, the woman with whom I had spoken. She said she had found out where my computers were and would have them delivered in the morning. She also said that it had been stolen by two kids.

This morning Carlos took me to the office of investigations and while I was filing a report my landlord Bernd called and said that Jeana, my neighbor had my computers.

Bernd, Carlos and my friend Stephen all said I should report her to the police. But I had given my word and a man is only as good as his word. While filing the report I was advised I had to present my passport. When I returned to my apartment my landlord was changing the lock on the front door and said that nobody had a key to the back door. I went to Jeana's and collected my computers.

Carlos as my translator advised the police about Jeana's role in this matter but asked them to leave it out of the report. Jeana came in while I was filing, scared as hell. When I was done, I went over to Jeana's showed her the report and the fact that her name was not in it. I also told her she had to get the rest of my stuff back.

Hell, the other stuff is only an expense. Now I have more than a couple people seriously disappointed the police won't be hunting down the thieves and incarcerating them, but once again, I gave my word. I'm just very glad to have my computers back.

Returning to the apartment I rekeyed the back door. Now it's time to rekey the lower locks.

Fuck My Life

It was a beautiful day, cool and overcast. I sat on the back deck and finished off three months of coding.

At 1:00 I called my landlord and asked him to bring me over a key so I could rekey the locks to my apartment as they hadn't been changed since my very disturbed visitor left.

At 6:50 I called my friend Stephen and we agreed to meet for dinner at Kun Ja's the best Chinese restaurant in town. We ate and shot the shit until about 8:30 when I headed back home. It was time to back up all of my work.

I unlocked the door and shit! The computer I bought last week and my development computer were missing. No sign of forced entry. I called my landlord, he told me that there were only three sets of keys, mine, the set Becca had, and his set, he had changed the locks just before I moved in. When my neighbor cleaned the place during my medical treatments my landlord came over, unlocked the place and locked it up when he was done.

I grabbed my friend Carlos and headed off to the police station, who referred me to the office of investigation. They came over to the apartment and agreed there had been no forced entry. The doors had not been kicked in and there are bars over all the windows.

God Damn it. That's about three months worth of coding down the drain, all the backups were to another partition on the same computer.

Now I have to buy another computer and spend a month configuring it and another three months reproducing my code. It was bad enough doing it the first time, it will be very frustrating repeating my work.

Quiet Day

Despite the beautiful weather I spent the day indoors programming. As soon as I can get a router I can code on the back deck.

I went online and started purchasing things to replace those stolen by my visitor.

My landlord came by, greeted me back and extended a dinner invitation. My friend Carlos stopped me on the street and told me that his steak house was now open. At seven Stephen I went over to check it out. A wonderful 16 oz ribeye, half and ear of corn boiled in milk, half a baked potato, some bread with seasoned olive oil and tomato toppings and two bottles of water came to $19. It was wonderful.

Off to Casa Verde to chat with my friends, apologize for my visitor and an early return home.

Going Back Home

Dentist

On my initial visit to the dentist this week he observed my teeth and told me I was grinding them in my sleep. Then he asked if I snored. He recommended that I get a sleep apnea test and suggested that he could fit me with a dental appliance that would force my jaw forward at night almost certainly eliminating snoring and sleep apnea if present.

The cost of the evaluation is $1,200, seems a bit high for somebody to monitor your breathing and oxygen levels for four hours. The price of the dental appliance is $1,420. Well hell, if I have sleep apnea, I'm out $2,640. If I don't I'm out $1,200.

I went home and looked up the symptoms of sleep apnea, decided I was a good candidate. Anybody whose neck is over 17" is an excellent candidate regardless of body fat levels. I snore. What the hell, why not just get the appliance and see?

The doc promptly attended to me at my 10:00 appointment which I had made the day before. An impression was made of my upper teeth, my lower teeth and then my bite when I thrust my jaw as far forward as possible.

Now to wait six weeks for the device to be made in the U.S.

Flying Home

Aeroperlas started a new service from Tocumen airport to Bocas on July 6. Formerly they only flew to the Albrook Airport and International Regional Airport handling prop planes that fly within the country and to Costa Rica. Yesterday I booked a flight online from Tocumen as it is a bit closer to where I am staying. This proved to be a big mistake.

I went back to the place at which I was staying and got very frustrated at the number of things my operating system upgrade broke and killed time until it was time to go the airport. My gracious hostess arranged for a taxi pickup at 1:30. This should get me to the airport by 2:00. I returned my keys and went out front. At 1:30 a taxi pulled up. I asked if he had been called to go to the airport and he replied in the affirmative.

I got in the cab and said "Yo necessito Tocumen Aeropuerto Internacional." He looked at me blankly "Aeropuerto Albrook." "No, Tocumen Aeropuerto Internactional." He got his dispatcher on the radio they talked for two minutes and he looked back at me gave me the thumbs up and said "bien" (good). Off we went. I pulled out my netbook and played a game for a while. Finally the driver said "Aeropuerto" and pointed. WTF? This is Albrook airport. "No, yo necessito Tocumen Aeropuerto Internacional." Off we went I looked, what the hell? Now he was taking me to the bus terminal. I told him a third time and we headed off in the correct direction.
Now where the hell is the Aeroplas check in counter. I couldn't find it and everybody who worked at the airport told me that I had to go to Albrook. Just frigging great. Finally somebody told me that Taca operated Aeroplas. Hundreds of people were in queue to fly to San Jose, Costa Rica. I'm never gonna get on this flight. Once I got past the guy who checks passports I somehow managed to find an attendant who wasn't checking in people to San Jose. I informed her of my destination and she told me I was in the wrong terminal. How can this be? There is only one terminal. A tall slender black woman who smelled like lavender came over to help me. I told her she was a beautiful person and asked her just to walk me over, either so I don't get lost or just so I could enjoy the view. She gave a hearty laugh and led me over to a 2,000 square foot building that was still covered in aluminum covered insulation.

There was but one man in the building, he met me at the door and said "Senoir Schmidt?" "Si" "We've been waiting for you." How nice they were holding up the plane. Then he informed me that the plane was at Albrook. WTF? I have a reservation out of Tocumen. "Yes but the plane is at Albrook." Apparently flights to Tocumen fly through Albrook. These airports can't be more than 20 kilometers apart. As I was the only passenger on the flight they decided not to stop at Tocumen. We walked back to the international terminal and he gave me a taxi voucher. Then we went out front and a large van was hailed. Now don't come under the impression this van was built for comfort. The seats were so close together it should be used exclusively by amputees and midgets.

Arriving at Albrook I got a very confused look on the woman's face at the check in desk. Did I want to buy a ticket? No I bought one. May I see it? No, I made it online. You are not in here. I was supposed to be flying out of Tocumen. Then why are you here? They sent me here.
Fifteen minutes later it was all sorted out and I got an Aeroplas boarding card, a 1/4" thick piece of white plastic with a number on it. My carry on consisted of my backpack and three sixteen ounce bottles, shampoo, conditioner and aloe vera. Nobody suspected I was going to blow up the plane with them and I was allowed to carry them on. I did have to surrender my lighter, but not a box of matches.

Life is strange.

Back in Bocas

At 6:00 we flew across a sea of bananas extending to the horizon in all directions, country, we were landing in Changinoula the westernmost city on the Pananamian Caribbean.

Bocas Rumors

Spirit may be flying direct from Fort Lauderdale to Bocas. Negotiations underway to increase length and thickness of runway.

3 New fire trucks on the way

Golf Course on Boca Drago next month breaking ground.

The diesel power plant will be shut down, electricity will be brought over from the mainland and run the length of this island.

Dinner

Had dinner at Shellys (best Mexican food around) with Stephen. Chatted up two lovely Slovakian women. They wanted an escort to the beach to watch the sea turtles come in but I was too tired for even their company. Went to Stephens house and picked up my replacement Tilley and a complicated device that requires a twenty page instruction manual ordered by my former visitor.

On my walk home I was warmly welcomed back on near every block. Good to be home, but to many I felt the need to apologize for inflicting my visitor on them.

Home

Two minutes after I walked in the door the electricity went out for two hours. This doesn't happen often here. After the power came on I checked my email. Amazing, no delusional rants in my inbox.

Computer Repair

Some Panamanian recommended by my gracious host just return to talk about my notebook. The cost of a new keyboard? $85 A new DVD drive $85. Blow out the unit and replace the parts. Labor $90.

I told him the keyboard costs $30 in the US. The drive costs $35 and it's 20 minutes of work and described exactly how to take the machine apart. No thanks, I'll buy the parts online and fix it myself.

Cardiologist

When I was in Santiago last August with pneumonia that I contracted in the Bolivian Alps the doctor examined my X-Ray and told me that I had Cardiomegaly, an enlarged heart and that I should see a cardiologist.

This week I was advised that I have high blood pressure and that I needed to see a cardiologist. Ok, I'm on the Costco medical services binge, so I tried to schedule an appointment with a cardiologist that was recommended to me by my dentist, but they don't take appointments on the first visit. Just show up between 4 and 7. WTF?

I grabbed a cab and bopped over to Centro Médico Paitilla. Entering the suite, I filled out a form with about 12 questions on it. Two minutes later I was getting an EKG. Five minutes after that I was escorted into the cardiologist's office. He was sitting behind a 30" apple screen running faceline or some such thing as he was talking on the phone. He ended his phone call in a couple of minutes and consulted with me.

Regarding the enlarged heart, yeah trekking at 6,000 meters can cause a temporary enlargement of the heart. Was I having any difficulty with strenuous exercise now? No.

I had been advised that I have high blood pressure. He took my blood pressure three times and told me I had normal blood pressure. What was going on? Well, crazy has left the country, albeit with my MacBook pro. I presume I'll never see the loans repaid either, but, whatever. Worth it, just to be rid of the aggravation.

He asked if I had been under any stress. I told him a tale that took 20 minutes. He was laughing his ass off. Finally he took out a pad, wrote something on it and handed it to me. "This is my prescription for you" Guess Who. American Woman
Now it was my time to laugh my ass off. I paid my $100 tab, $40 for the EKG $60 for the consultation.

I walked the streets for 45 minutes trying to catch a taxi. Finally I returned to the mall behind the clinic found a taxi. He wanted $25 for a $5 fare. Yeah, right.
I took in a little tool porn at the Doit Center, Panama's equivalent of Home Depot. Then I walked the mall.

Hmmm... maybe I should get some contact lenses. I entered the contact lens store, put my netbook on the counter and asked the receptionist to remember to tell me to take it as I would forget. I got an eye exam and what the hell? My prescription was now -.5 diopters per eye. Hardly worth the trouble. So I left, when down to the taxi stand and realized I had left the computer. What a dope. I searched around for a bit, found the store, grabbed my netbook, headed back to the taxi stand and headed home.

Cookoff

The jewish tico (Costa Rican) and the Spanish/Croatian Colombian were in a bit of a cookoff. Tico had a mass of chicken hindquarters while Hotto, the furtive beer snatcher from yesterday was going to cook a roast. The tico family was gathered, the refrigerator technician, Hotto, Ivonne and I gathered under the rancho.

While the chicken was marinading in a mustard based sauce the tico kept bringing drinks to Hotto alternating between 5 ounces of vodka neat and beer, each served 10 minutes apart. We toasted, I with a large glass of water and they with their respective drinks. After a toast the glasses were emptied, excepting mine. The tico spoke no English, his wife some, his 25 year old daughter, who looks 16 teaches it. Hotto speaks Spanish and is intermediate in English.

The kids were cavorting noisily in the pool and conversations were amicable and covered a large variety of topics.

Hotto told me about a guest that had left two weeks earlier with whom had become good friends. It seems some guy from Denver was in town and somehow in his drug dealings ran afoul of the Colombians and woke to find a guy pointing a gun at his head while he lay in bed got into a scuffle. It was a long tale but in the end the target of the Colombians was staying here and somehow got on TV. Hotto suggested it would be in everybody's best interests if he left.

Upon inquiry hotto told me that he was in the crocodile shoe business from end to end, buying untanned hides from Indians in the Darien, tanning them in Panama City to shoe manufacturing.

More drinks and Hotto started telling me about his proficiency with guns but he couldn't name the calibers of a long list of popular guns. More drinks. I told the tico he had to stop bringing Hotto drinks, he was going to kill him. The chicken was put on the grill, more bullshitting. More drinking.

Finally we sat down to eat. The chicken was the best chicken I've ever had. The tico had been drinking at the same rate as Hotto. The tico merrily served everybody chicken and drinks while Hotto sat in the chair with a glazed look in his eye.

"Jim, yer all smilz tnite but sher you were in Texas and I guy touch his balls you smash him in face? Am I right? Am I right? You don't take the shit. Am I right?"

He put his fork in the chicken, manipulated the chicken with his knife, lifted an empty fork to his face and missed his mouth. This happened up to half a dozen times consecutively before he would get a piece into his mouth. He talked incessantly in a language no person on earth could comprehend. The 25 year and I kept glancing at each other in extreme amusement, her mother was just astonished.

Later it came time to throw people in the pool. Everybody was thrown in but me. That was considerate. I went to bed at 10. The Tico hit the hay at 1 slept until 2:30 and decided this was an appropriate time to drive half the length of Panama.

Kidney

The next thing I needed to attend to was the urine in my blood. I scheduled a 2:00 taxi ride to take me back to the San Fernando medical center. At about 1:50 the skies opened and thunder boomed. The type of thunder that was setting off multiple car alarms and shaking the building. The rain was torrential.

I went out front, intending to wait under cover but the cab was there. By 2:08 I was in the office for my 3:00 appointment. In half an hour I saw the doctor. We had a short interview and he gave me an exam. He pressed on my chest and abdomen and then worked on my back, when he hit my kidneys my legs kicked, my body shook and I groaned. The exam was finished, he brought into his office and ordered a UROCAT TOMOGRAFIA, a CAT scan for examining the kidneys, marked "URGENTE".

So, off I made my way to imaging services service order in hand, paid my $240 fee, waited 10 minutes and got my exam. "Quentos tiempo pora resulta?" "Manana" "No, este urgente." "Media hora". I was told to have a seat in the waiting area and they would give me the results in half an hour. I have never had a cat scan result delivered to me. I waited an hour and a half and went back to the urologist. The receptionist called into the doctor who was with a patient. The doctor acknowledged that he had received the results and that I should wait there. About 5:30 I saw the doctor who advised me that although my kidney is bruised there are no hematomas present. The good doctor wrote me up a prescription for some serious pain meds and a cream to be applied over the traumatized area. I paid his $45 fee and left.

Off to the pharmacy I fulfilled my prescriptions in four minutes. The boxes were pulled off the shelf and the little plastic aluminum pill trays pulled out and scissored if a fraction were necessary. The usage labels applied to little paper bags and the packets put inside.

In the states it would take 30 to 60 minutes and little plastic bottles would be filled with loose pills. This system seems a bit better.

?? Dollars later I headed out and started to the street to catch a taxi. I spotted the McDonalds next to the hospital and thought, yeah, this is easier than doing anything else. I ordered an Angus Burger Meal. I received my fries and water and was given incomprehensible instructions. I walked off ate my fries, drank two glasses of water. No burger was delivered to me so I walked back to the counter and gave them a WTF look. They immediately surrendered a burger to me. I sat down and looked at it and thought "who the hell eats this much food?" I ate half the burger, threw the rest in the trash and caught a cab back to the hostel.

In my room my applied the cream, then I popped one of Dr Feelgood's painkillers. Thirty minutes later, life was good.

Panama by Luis

I awoke at 11 thinking it was 5. There was next to no light coming through the frosted slatted windows of the room. How the hell could it be 11? I cranked the handle to see that the window did not really open to the out of doors but to some strange corridor.

After a quick examination of the bathroom, I decided just to wash myself from the sink.

Down two flights of stairs, my pack banging against my poor ribs.

A quick $2 taxi ride to Mamallena, a trek up the stairs. No room? I suspected so and probably won't be for weeks. The staff is a score of clones of a really hot young woman and all friendly as hell. "Well, can I use your internet to find a place?" "Absolutely."

So I got online, looked around and found the number three rated spot in the city had room, wrote down the address, thanked the women and headed back down the stairs and down the street to find a taxi.

I hailed a taxi who stopped in the second lane, what the hell? So I opened the door and handed him the the address to a hailed taxi. "Quento?" "Cinco." All right, five bucks and we are off. As I crawled into the front seat the door, open into the curb side lane was about to be rammed by a bus, who wasn't about to swerve or slow down. I managed to close the door with a half second to spare. Now the road rage, my driver took off chased the bus and the two yelled at each other for three minutes.

Then he took off to begin the most aggressive driving I have ever witnessed taking off full throttle, breaking just in time to avoid impact, swerving in and out of traffic. Panamanian intersections are generally just a game of balls no traffic signals, no stop signs no round abouts four lane roads intersect and are crossed with just a horn and a large set of testicles. Sometimes the traffic drove on the left, sometimes the right. I could never drive in this city. Corners were negotiated at a speed that peeled rubber off the tires. Half an hour later we arrived at what he thought was the destination.

Addresses are more like descriptions, there are no street numbers. He tore around and pulled next to every security booth and person standing on the road and asked for the location of our destination. At least a dozen times he followed and grew increasingly frustrated. Finally we located the place.

I rang the buzzer and a bald headed guy leaned over the landing. Despite what the web availability had said, there were no private rooms. To hell with it, I'll take a dorm. Fortunately I secured a private room for the next three nights.

The common area was filled with scores of backpacks. Seems this place also runs a lot of tours to San Blas. Little is needed in San Blas and it is nothing but sand and salt water so a prudent person sheds everything possible. The furniture consists of three couches, a computer table, a coffee table and a TV. Using a laptop on a couch sucks, especially if one must use a detached keyboard. At least its chilly. I booked my room, sight unseen and Omar showed me around. To get to the kitchen one must merely go down a flight of stairs, around the front of the building and up the other side. It's the rainy season. Even more special, the dorm is located 70 meters away.

I passed the time, chatting with my fellow guests, the reason I much prefer hostels over hotels. Who wants to sit in one's hotel room alone day after day?

Intermittently I tried to catch up on my sleep. While lying in my bed an Indian walked in, threw his pack in the corner and went off to take a shower. He came back and started to go through an elaborate toilet. When he was done I opened my eyes and said, "Hi, my name is Jim." Man this guy looked familiar. "I'm Tony." Ahh, it was all coming together. You come from Franklin's Island? That's the other half.

Ok, this guy is a legend. Two different groups of Indians share an island in Kuna Lana. Tony's half is, let's say, pretty damn wild. He was coming to Panama City for a month to find some tranquility. This is city of honking horns and insane traffic. This guy is so crazy he lives at Aqua Lounge when he is in Bocas. This a place where you have about a 25% chance of getting robbed on any given day.

At 5:30 in the morning a flashlight was flicking about the room, I asked him just to turn on the lights. In ten minutes he was done packing and I was able to see where my stuff was. "That was a quick month. Bye" He shook my hand and headed out the door, the room filled with the smell of alcohol.

Fourth of July

I walked to the airport and was greeted by a bud Flaco. I realized what a well endowed woman feels as everybody blatantly stared at my leg. The head of immigration walked over and said "Jim have you been bitten by something?" My right calf was swollen and discolored.

I rescheduled by morning ticket for a reschedule fee and headed out to Panama City on a fifty minute flight. This was the first time I had arrived and night and was awed by the beauty of the city from the air.

A forty minute $15 cab ride found me at San Fernando Hospital. I was admitted in about five minutes, triaged in 10 and assigned to a doctor who examined my ribs, bruised back and leg. The ribs were obviously caused by blunt force and she diagnosed me with an infection in the leg.

A few minutes later blood was drawn and urine sample delivered all sent to the lab. I was asked to wait in the waiting area for the lab results. About three hours later the doctor told me the results were back and my blood definitely reflected an infection by the high white blood counts. Urine in my blood proved some kidney damage had been inflicted.

She wrote up references to a urologist and some speciality doctor that probably doesn't translate well that is associated with infections. Prescriptions for two types of antibiotics and a pain killer were written. I was advised to obtain and start on the antibiotics immediately.

I went to pay the bill, the emergency room services came to $60 and the lab services $28.

Securing a cab, I headed off to Rey an all night supermarket with a pharmacy. The drug order was filled in 10 minutes.


15 Keradol 10 mg $13.95 Pain Reliever
21 Clindamicina $16.59
14 Ciprofloxina $8.26

I thought I would been spending the night in the hospital so I had not arranged lodging. The mayhem in front of the store continued on into the late of the night with taxis coming and going and competing with passenger vehicles for traffic space. Not having access to the internet at the time I just grabbed a taxi and told him a hotel I wanted to go to it was full. We spent the next hour with him driving around from place to place. He ran up and inquired if there were rooms available. I think he was just enjoying driving me around running the meter although I did hear most of the people say they had no room.

Finally he found ??? Americana. I just wanted to go to bed. I walked into the small lobby and secured a room for the night from a most strikingly beautiful young woman while the taxi driver grinned at his success. I trod up a flight of stairs to encounter a very heavy stainless steel door followed by a well built door built of drilled and welded heavy stainless steel. What is this place? Struggling up the next to flights of stairs I admired the doors on the rooms large woodgrained but obviously very heavy steel doors. I found my room managed to get the key line with the cylinder through the drill plate and turned the key with a heavy thunk, retracting eight deadbolts.

This awesome security apparatus had a major flaw. There was no way to lock the door from the inside. Oh well, I just need to lie down, I'm not going down those stairs and back up again.

Looking around the room I saw a bed with a flimsy mattress, a window mounted air conditioner through the brick wall with no remote control and the front controls missing and a small shelf bolted to the wall. The bed had sheets so threadbare you see the mattress through it. Screw it, I just need to pass out. But sleep did not come easily as the pain reliever wasn't up to the task.