Kelly Returns

While walking down the street I saw Kelly, looking quite a bit less than the happy go lucky girl she had been three days earlier.  "What the hell girl, I thought you'd be in Pacific Costa Rica by now."  Nope, long story.  I had dropped her off on the dock, she couldn't get any money from the ATM, was too embarrassed to call me back up, looked up a guy she had met, found out he lived on Bastimentos, checked it out on Google maps, caught a free boat ride eight to ten miles away, trekked through the jungle, knee deep in mud and lived in a hut without electricity, water or food for two nights, caught a ride back and was now stumbling through town.  She had been carrying a carton of English cigarettes and traded three packs for a night in a hostel and was now trying to figure out her next move.

I fed her, arranged for her to call her bank, got the hold on her account taken care of and ran into Kirsten and Sandra.   We went down to Casa Verde she had a few drinks and was preparing to go to Costa Rica right away.  "Why don't you call first and see if you still have a job, you are fifteen days late returning from a five day vacation."  "I'm just going to get my stuff and move back here.  This place is awesome."

"Well, you can't go there now, immigration will be closed. You don't want to have to sneak into and out of the country.  If you get stopped at a passport check you might be deported and not allowed back into the country."

Boat Batteries

Into town, pulled the boat batteries, topped off the electrolyte, charged them. Managed to fritter away the day accomplishing little and without adventure. A few hours later I reconnected the batteries and headed out to dinner. “You know, I should have tested my wiring before it got dark. How hard can it be?”

Back to Casa Verde. Do I want to buy tickets for a raffle? No thanks. Oh it's for Spay Panama? Ok. Give me.... pull out wad of bills, seven dollars worth. No I am not going to stick around for the drawing. An exceptionally hot woman in a dress that accentuated and revealed an amazing sight grabbed a bunch of tickets. “Your name?” “Jim.” “Your last name?” “Schmidt” “GET OUT! You're Jim Schmidt! Hi, I'm XXXXXX”. Huh. I've been talking with this woman online for many months answering questions, helping out her cause. How could I possibly have not seen her in town before?

The place was filling up but surveying the crowd I realized that there was to be nothing but incoherence soon and my desire to socialize was over-weighed by a lack of desire to talk with people who wouldn't be able to recall the conversation. Off to the boat. Ahh Shit! Where are the damn boat keys? I knew this would happen one day. I can't get my key duplicated in Bocas. I asked around. Nobody had seen my key. I borrowed a screwdriver and probe. Someone came over. “You can't pick those locks.” Two seconds later I had it picked, four tumbler wafer lock in die cast zinc? I could pick this on my deathbed. Not a hint of a start. Yup, bonehead messed up the wiring. I didn't feel like working on it with a flashlight while docked next to the band.

I got a hotel room, immediately found my key and laid down to read. The sound of a bathroom fan was actually the town generator a couple of blocks away. Not annoyingly loud but not like being at my house. My poor dogs had no food, I was going to bring some back. The internet didn't work in my room despite assurances that it would.

No towels in the room, a suicide shower, no toothbrush or toothpaste. This was supposed to be one of the nicer hotels. The breakfast I was promised turned out to be a muffin. The next day a score of people asked if I had found my boat key. “Yeah, it was just where I put it, in my backpack.” Brandy said, “Jim-pan, I knew I should have checked in your backpack.” I checked my console and shook my head. What an idiot. Who the hell wired this? Oh, that would be me. Fifteen minutes later I was good to go. I hung around for a bit headed out to a pig roast and found the usual collection of drunks and no women but my former room-mate. “Jim-pan are you leaving so soon?” “Yeah, between the chitras, the lack of chicas and the impending rain, I am going to go home and feed the dogs.”

Red Frog Beach

Entertaining doesn't get any easier than this. Down to the dock, a three minute boat ride, a short stroll and "This is the best beach I've ever been to." Seven hours later they didn't want to leave. Yvonne was looking for a place to rent out there.

Kelly and Yvonne

Internet down. Supposed to meet Doug at Casa Verde at 10 and take him fishing where yet another time he promised he would spear enough fish to feed the masses. Off to town. Check email. One of my couch surfing guests finally made it to Bocas. I sent her a message and got a phone call a couple of minutes later. She had met a German girl, could they both stay? Sure, if you can both sleep in the same bed. Off to the park, I spotted them on the street. Lunch at Chitre, beef, beens, rice and salad. Back to Casa Verde. There was Doug doing his usual fine job. Instead of picking up some women he asked some guy along. Doug, you fall quite a bit short of the mark.

Doug claimed his fishing spot was two miles around the point. Off we went, Paul, Doug's invite was looking forlon. I returned. That's really too much weight for the horsepower but we putted. “Ok, Doug where is this house that marks the spot? “A little ways further.” Rinse and repeat. “WTF Doug we we are almost at Punta Caracol are you taking us to Playa Estrella? Jesus, I should have fueled up. Farther yet. Finally we got there. The tide was low, the coral from a few feet to next to no distrance from the bottom of the boat. Paul speared one lionfish, Doug got skunked again. He reminds me of a guy I know living in Belize. The world's greatest fisherman if you ask either of them, but pretty damn low on actually delivering more than excuses. Out of gas. Tank up from spare. Head back to town.

Hungry again girls? Off to Las Palmas, a burger there can readily feed two hungry people. Not serving lunch. Off to Xio Chopa. Not serving lunch. Off to The Tropical Birds. Kelly looked at the prices on the menu, she is on a tight budget. I inquired what the daily off menu deal was. Fish or chicken. We all ordered fish and soon had plates with rice, beans a large portion of fish and fresh salad. More food than either girl could eat, delicious and three dollars.

Over to gas dock, fill up. Our luggage was locked up at a friends house and he wasn't answering. He spends more time in the bathroom than a thirteen year old guy. Phone call. Ok, we'll see you on the dock. Got the bags. “Want to go to a Caribbean bar? Get out of this gringo tourist stuff and hang out with some Caribbeanos? Can you swing creole? They loved the place. I stood on the dock and saw two large yellowfin tuna make for open water. A big ray hovered near the bottom.

Off to the ever popular Clydes. “I know the couple who live in that house, let's go call on them.” Grind, shudder, shake. Shit! Shallow. Coral 1, prop 0. I tried to prepare them. The usual show, mouths always open, either slack jawed or smiling their asses off. We walked the grounds, Clyde did his stint of volunteering to lather them with coconut oil. Come live with me in my tent and walk around naked all the time. It would not be a bad sight. Off to my place we failed to get a cookie sheet. Oh, well.

I told the girls to take as long a shower as they would like. Kelly obviously go the word and luxuriated for an hour. Two exhausted girls hit the bed early saying they would be up at dawn. I suspected not, the room is very comfortable and very quiet.

Kelly and Yvonne

Dock

I have been receiving about five phone calls a day from Eladio, who wants to know when I will finish paying for the dock that he was to install in Aguacate.   I finally had a break in the weather yesterday and headed out there with my good friend Walter Kawano.

The dock was forty feet shorter than was quoted.  It was longer than he anticipated.  The specifications for the dock were that it was to go from dry land to forty feet past the mangroves.   After he installed all his posts, it was about forty feet short of the mangroves.  He had just estimated the distance and then gave a firm quote.

The boards had not been trimmed to the ends nor nailed to the beams and a gap of one foot to preclude termites from walking from dry land had not been provided.   Eladio suggested I could pay them and they would finish the work.   Right!  I can't even get them to finish the work while they wait for payment.  They are 45 days late on a ten day project.

We walked up to the end of the dock and climbed a small rise, about twelve feet to be greeted by the land he had cleared and a stunning view of the mountains and the bay and mountains.  It is not well captured in  the photos.  Walter reiterated the terms of the agreeement, which Eladio had signed. Eladio looked a bit dazed and his companions chided him on making a quote with no information.   I thought he head measured the distance.

In the end I will probably pay for the extra wood for several reasons.  Had it been quoted, I would have paid, these guys are poor and if I fail to pay they will feel wronged and the wood is sure to be stolen anyway.

Time to Hit the Road

I seek new adventure hence I am planning on heading out to Southeast Asia for an indeterminate time, maybe six months, maybe a year.

Dogs

Jessica

Towards that end I have to find suitable accommodations for my dogs.   I took Jessica to town yesterday and four people said they would like to have her.  These are all wonderful people, but allow me to run down the reasons they want a new dog.

Mellissa:  Mellisa lives on Bastimentos.  Her last two dogs are wanderers, as are mine.  They wandered over to Red Frog beach, a journey of several miles through dense jungle and were intentionally poisoned by one of the partners.

Anna: Anna's sweet dog was accidentally poisoned by rat  poison it consumed in a restaurant kitchen.

Marjon:  Marjon's dog was run over in the street by a taxi.

Rebecca:  Rebecca has 120 acres in Napa Valley she just fell in love with Jessica.   It would be a great home but I don't think Rebecca fully understands the effort to get transport a dog across this country and get it into the U.S.

I have a few other people interested in Jessica, but I have yet to meet them.

Hayu

I believe Hayu is going to placed in a one hundred acre estate in the highlands of Chiriqui.

House

I have received some interest in renting out my house for six to twelve months, the same people who wanted to rent my house when a couple of months ago.

Today

Today I have to make a 30 mile boat trip to Aguacate and back to inspect the dock which is purportedly finally finished. After that I have some plumbing repairs and need to work on the boat. I finally located a piece of stainless steel and need to affix my bilge pump float. The fourth ceiling fan switch to go out in six months needs to be replaced.

Far East Asia

I'd like to hit Asia before the monsoon seasons, spend some time beachside and then head inland before it starts raining 12" every day. Riding across the jungle on an elephant sound different.

Rainy Day Activities

I flushed my toilet and looked down to see that the drain pipe had disconnected underneath my house.  Upon inspection it had been glued together with some non PVC cement.   Bit of a mess down there.  Now I have to get the crap off he pipe (literal and figurative) and glue this thing back together properly.  It had been maintained by the most respected composting toilet service provider in town.  Hell, its not that hard to apply solvent and glue, what was put on this thing?

The refrigerator flame is too large spreading over the bottom of the heat exchanger.  Will cleaning the flue provide a better chimney action?   The jet is a hole drilled in a piece of ruby and cannot be resized.  I hate propane refrigerators.

After a brief morning sprinkle I headed off to town and hung out at Casa Verde.  Thursday's there are great as the restaurant and bar are closed so the local sailors are generally absent.  A new sweetie hit town and we chatted for a bit another recruit on my never ending "show hotties the best of Bocas" mission.

I located the hydraulic bleed hole on a friends trim for his outboard. Loosing the screw resulted in air bleeding out and the engine dropping to optimal operating tilt. Now he can cruise to his finca at 15 knots rather than 7. This will save some gas and as it is raining all the time help keep him out of the weather.

A live aboard cruiser left town and left a local with hundreds of dollars of hard to obtain cheeses, fine meats, italian sausage, summer sausage. Kyle won the beach lottery.

I met up with a girl I had been corresponding with, a volunteer from workaway.org.  Very sweet and knowledgable with a degree in Ethnobotany.  Natalie is a yoga instructor, massage therapist a big fan of organic sustainable living a great conversationalist and a delightful eyeful. Natalie was going to stay with me but had found a ten year old farm on Bastimentos growing a large number of crops that are not native here.   So she will live in a shack without electricity on the island referred to by the locals as "Jurassic Park."  We will be hanging out quite a bit though, it seems.

Brandy, my former room mate showed up and the three of us agreed to visit some of my friends on Saturday, go to Los Secretos for St. Patricks day and then back to town for the chocolate taste off. People grow cocoa here and make their own chocolate.

Just when Natalie had to leave after four hours I was invited to a going away party.  A guy from Alaska cooked up a dozen pizzas, made some salsa and fed everybody in the place.  The food was great.  I waited for a break in the rain and made my way home on seas illuminated with little more than diffused reflections of light off the cloud from town miles away.

I was greeted at home by three emails from various "customer service" people who apparently don't read the emails and give stock responses that don't address the issues.   I think one must fail an intelligence test to work in customer service.

Another Day

I went to town to meet prospective guests.  The girls from Switzerland were ill and begged off, another didn't make it into town on time.

A part time local gave me a bunch of organic vegetable seeds.  I made little envelopes out of squares of paper that evidenced my misspent youth.  Locals came by and thought the one gram size envelopes were for illegal purposes.  Maybe they were.  I doubt it is legal for tourists to bring in seeds.

I had heard much about Mantis, a Thai restaurant way up the hill on another island, Bastimentos.  Doug, the seed provider told me that he was to deliver some seeds to Ian, the operator of the restaurant.  "Ok, come along."   A short while later he invited Zach, a part time local from Alaska.   Sure, why not, but he should have asked.

We called ahead for reservations and departed around 5:30.  Some guy name Ryan had apparently also been invited by Doug.   WTF?  Was it the rum starting at 10 or is Doug completely oblivious to protocol? "Where did you come from?  I didn't invite you."  Doug responded, "I invited him, we have plenty of room."  "Did you check with the captain of the boat?"  "Hey, Jim, he's a great guy, starting a shrimp farm down here."  "Great!  Have you ever seen the effluent from a shrimping operation?"  "Oh, he is doing it differently."

We headed down the street toward my boat.  "How far is it to your boat?"  "It's at Chow Kai's."  "How far is that?"  "Are you fucking kidding me?   How many times have you walked down the main street?"
A couple of hundred yards later the three guys and my guest, Dittie boarded the boat.  We headed out in rough water.  Had I headed directly to my destination the five foot swells would have swamped or flipped the boat, I negotiated an angle of attack and then headed back toward the destination upon reaching the protection of the island from the waters of the open sea.  "I think this guy knows these waters."  Hell, if you can't see that it was necessary you shouldn't be at the helm.

The primary dock was nothing but a collection of poles.  Great!  We headed off and found Roots, a bar and docked on the leeward side so the swells wouldn't bang the boat into the dock.  After a round of drinks we headed down the sidewalk, there are but two in town and no roads.   Ryan and Dittie forget ahead, I turned at the walk that ascended the hill and asked them if they were coming.   Slippery, sloping, slimy sidewalks after two weeks of rain four or five times a day.   The sidewalk ended we walked up a mud trail to find the walk again.   A couple were descending, they had not made reservations and were turned away.   We encountered another couple heading to our destination.  The sidewalk ended.  The trail continued up through mud, sometimes with coconuts bordered with bamboo.  I'd rather walk through mud that over the top of muddy, round, ankle twisting coconuts.   More mud and slippery steps.  We finally made it and were greeted, no I should say met by Ian, the red headed Irish "chef".

Doug knows everything. If you don't believe me, just ask him.   We were talking about diving.  Doug asserted that the bends are caused by the fact that the tanks are filled with pure oxygen.  No doug, they are filled with atmospheric gas, 80% nitrogen and the nitrogen causes the bends.  "I've been diving 20 years."  "Well, read an open water certification book."   A tongue well lubricated by rum spewed more nonsense by the half hour.

We had been advised that he is quite a character.  Doug ordered a rum and coke.  "No, you want a mantis."  His specialty drink, an overly sweet, glowing green concoction.  There was plenty of room for the couple who had been rejected.  Of the eight tables only three were occupied.  The view was nice enough, not as nice as my deck, but not bad.   We started off with a wonderful salad but the next course was unidentifiable stir fried meat and soggy noodles absent much flavoring.  The third course was soggy rice oozing oil and some old bait fish.   Two people wouldn't even eat it.   I went back to town, dropped off the guys and Dittie and I went home for an early quiet night. 

Boat Fix

Time to drop off Nola, off on her travels to Panama City.   The phone rang three times between five and five thirty, the caller denied calling, a pocket call I guess.  On the boat, off to town, hugs and kisses all around.  Down to the Golden Grill for breakfast and massive amounts of coffee.  

Three hours later, at nine, the Yamaha dealer opened.  No steering cable yet, come back at ten.  Ten prompt, cable ready, usual 20 minutes to ring up a one item purchase.  Out the door, meet Clyde, Verne and Ditty at the boat.  Back to Clydes.

Assemble tools, tie off old cable with (what else?) parachute cord.   Pull out old cable with paracord follower.   Tie new cable, pull back, install to steering box and outboard.  Big non event.  Too cloudy to snorkel, back home.

A day of not Snorkeling.

Up early.  Off to town, pick up my ATM card, birth certificate and some legal documents, visit with some friends back to the house.  The girls finally managed to get their asses out of bed just as the rain abated.  I roused them out to the boat and proceeded to deliver them to a neighbors for a day of snorkeling.  The neighbors weren't home.

I backed her up, turn the wheel left.  Snap!  Damn, busted steering cable.  A few minutes later Verne had chased us down having viewed us cruise by from his summit at Los Secretos which holds an ascendant view of the whole bay.  Verne pulled us to his dock house and took us all back to Las Secretos where the guys stood around and took turns non discretely eyeing Nolas ample cleavage and engaging in any conversation that could keep their mouths open and attempt to draw her attention.

Some pizza's later we called the local boat supply store to ask if they had a steering cable in stock.  Of course they didn't.  Could we call back in five minutes to see while they check to see if there is one on the mainland?  Sure.  Five minutes later.  Is there one on the mainland?  Yes there is.  Can they have it to Bocas in the morning.  Could I call back in five minutes?  They would check.  What the hell, the employees in Bocas live in Almirante, they ship stuff every day.   In any event three phone calls later they said they would have one but didn't know the price.  Whatever, what am I going to do?  Swim to town.  

Clyde agreed to come by in the morning,at six which is about four hours earlier than I have ever seen either of them up and pick up Nola and bring her into town.  I am sure he would give her a ride anytime anywhere.   Ditty indicated she wanted to stay.  I hope they have room for her as I have more guests coming tomorrow.

Bat Cave

Nola, Ditty and I took my boat across Bahia Honda to a spot where we were to meet a guide to take us up a small river to a bat cave on Isla Bastimentos.  He asserted that my boat was far too big for the shallow river especially during low tide.

We agreed to the $20 apiece fee and set off toward the east end of the bay, which is the bay in front of my house.  Between the mangroves a narrow slit appeared.  We puttered up stream in the large wooden dugout powered by a 15 horsepower outboard.  There was little to see but muddy water and mangroves, although we did spot a small caiman.

The water appeared to be about three feet deep, more than sufficient to accommodate my boat.  After a while our guide cut off the engine and paddled stating that we were more likely to encounter wildlife.  We saw nothing.   Eventually we arrived at a dock, donned rubber boots and trekked through shallow mud arriving at a shack.  Little Ngobe Indians wandered around in their underwear, throwing a sneaker in the air and a very portly woman collected nine dollars from our guide for our admission.  Our guide told us that the fee was $4 apiece but with a tour there is a discount.  I have seen many such fee operations, not sanctioned by any legal entity and with no justification as the fee collectors prey on the ignorance of the visitors but I let it slide.

We spotted some hummingbirds, a few sloths, an orange poison arrow frog, some huge spiders, just a regular jungle walk.

We were informed by a departing group that the cave was filled with borrachos, drunks.  A short while later we arrived at the small entrance.  Wading through 8" to 10" water we soon found a crack in the ceiling writhing in bat animation.  Further on we saw large fruit bats and smaller bats of some unknown species hanging from the walls.  The cave is also known to harbor vampire bats.   Bats fluttered around, in the small passage very near us.  Despite having been informed that it was possible to progress much further there seemed little point.  Small passageways, the cave was bereft of interesting formations, so it was just bats and murky water.

On our return trip we were passed by a boat containing the drunks that were in the cave.  The boat was larger than mine and drew more water.  I guess there is no point in saying, "sure your boat will work fine and you'll save $60."  The ugly Americans gave us a little light hearted heckling and the boat proceeded noisily down the river with much laughter and merriment and no doubt scurrying wildlife.

As you have undoubtably gathered, I was little impressed by the trip, which many have found awesome.  Perhaps I am jaded, this is far from my first time in a cave or on a jungle walk.

After the cave we dined at Los Secretos, hanging just long enough to eat and headed off to Clyde and Verne's.  In one of his many former lives Clyde was a professional photographer.  We went through a large stack of nudes, product shots and many pictures of people parachuting and flying hot air balloons.  Clyde was formerly a jump instructor, free base jump instructor and designed parachutes, hang gliders and repaired hot air balloons.  More pictures, race cars Clyde had designed and built, nature shots, Lake  Powell, desert scenes.  

The girls whipped out a large batch of caramel, white chocolate and chocolate chip cookies and we had a wonderful Chinese salad.   Clyde invited us to go snorkeling tomorrow.  I have much to do, I am sure he won't object to taking these woman by himself.

Lazy Day

We finally got a break in the weather.  I took Nola to Los Secretos, but somehow Casa Verde had outbid the band that agreed to be there.  The place is lovely but it was dead quiet.  We dropped by to visit some neighbors, who were smitten by her.  We had a brief walk in the jungle, then her friend from Denmark, living in San Jose, Costa Rica called.

We went to town to pick her up and get some supplies so Nola could bake some cookies.  Clyde and I left the girls with Verne and went off to make veggies, sauteed shark and fried green bananas.  This was the only time I had fried green bananas that I liked.

A late dinner and an invite to come back tomorrow to go through Clyde's collection of photos.  These things sound awesome.  So a little jungle trekking and some sitting around shooting the shit followed hopefully by some snorkeling.  Just a lazy weekend.

House Guests

Last week a workaway volunteer from Germany was to come to my house to plant some fruit trees.  He wandered the streets, drunk at three in the morning, got mugged and robbed.  I lent him some money.  He felt that it was my obligation to run him around to clean up his mess.  I helped him out and in exchange he was disinclined to do any work.

The only Western Union office in Bocas was shut down indefinitely due to a robbery.  He "didn't feel like" going to Almirante to go to the Western Union office to get his money and then return to pay me back.  He made partial restitution with a meek apology.

This week I have been swamped, two twenty eight year old women from Switzerland from Couch Surfers,  a twenty six year old blonde from California and I am hosting an exceptionally pleasant woman from Brooklyn who creates sets for televisions and movies.   I took her to Casa Verde last evening, it was closed as it always is on Thursday, but the usual crew was there, tearing the place up anyway.  While Nola was besieged by a swarm of rabid drunks I went for a walk with a little cutie from Argentina, jacqualyn. If the weather is nice I will will take Jacqualyn and Nola on short tour, making sure to drop by my friends' house, the grounds always awe guests, go snorkelling and visit red frog beach.  I am sure I will get my usual, "Jim, keep bringing over groups of beautiful women."  Now Brandy my ex roomie wants to go.  

I was awakened this morning to the roar of chainsaws on the lot next door, my boat is reluctant to go into gear and my propane refrigerator is on the fritz.

There is always something going on.